So many thoughts are swirling around in my head. September was a month of huge growth. I chuckle a little as i re-view last month. I am becoming stronger by accepting my weakness. Humility. Hard stuff to experience...for me, anyway.

I've spent a life figuratively putting my dukes up. It doesn't work any longer. Times have changed or people, society, morals, values, whatever, but defending, even logically, no longer works for me. It doesn't mean i'm not right - in my humble opinion, anyway ((^_~)). But no one cares that i'm right. It gets me worse than nowhere - it gets me ridiculed, mocked, rebuked, disconnected, hurt, laughed at, and belitted.

That's what happened last month. I found myself in a situation where i was right and everyone else was wrong. I attempted to prove/defend my honor only to find out - no one cared. No One. I didn't have one protector/defender/advocate other than my Self. A very alarming, cold-water-in-the-face, better-wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee awareness. Well - that's exactly what i did. After feeling my hurts, licking my wounds, and accepting my reality i began to look at life, not as i want it to be but as it pretty much IS. Ok...i'm going to figure this out before i die so what do i need to do to not just survive but to thrive - to remain the indelible, enthusiastic, happy, joy-filled being that i've come to love as me while surviving the abuse that comes with these times, economically motivated, whatever the causes!
Hence --- humility. Getting to love the word "OK".

Here's a poem that i hold close to my heart. Enjoy!

GOODBYE


"Comes the Dawn"

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
And learn to build all your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn.. .
With every goodbye you learn.

-- Veronica Shoffstall